pretending hurts ---> me

i never intended to make you feel left behind.. i never really did like being away from you.. in fact, i always wanna be with you.. you know that. and you should! unless you forgot about those times when i always tell you how i feel about you.. about us.. until i felt like you got sick of hearing the things i always say.. i hate pretending to be strong, you know.. i keep on telling myself not to be clingy anymore.. well, i want to! because that is who i am. i want to be always by your side. is that so wrong? i really really love you so much... i wanna tell you the reason why i force myself to keep my distance.. and it's because i'm scared of you losing interest in me.. honestly, i even got a little hurt when i asked you, "why are you doing that?", and you said, "because, i have nothing to do." as if i wasn't there for you to talk to.. and i never made a big deal out of it. i never do. i just try to forget it, you know.. whenever i get really mad or hurt, there is only one thing i ask myself.. "can i live without him and will i enjoy living without him?" and i always get a no from my heart. i cannot live and i will not be able to enjoy life without you. i want this pretending to end! i wanna be with you so close.. and walk with you by my side.. i want to love you like i used to... and that is by giving everything that i can for you. i love you so much Chee.. i'm sorry...

talk about being sick

physically of course.. i've been sick for how many days now.. 6 to be exact! and good thing i'm in the process of recovery.. haii.. today's weather was wonderfuly awful. i hate the heat. :/ well i just posted to write random things.. i wanna watch that Li-Chan movie! i want to be okay.. :c i feel sick just looking at those dishes.. but then again.. here i come. *sob*

sulk

i really don't wanna talk about it.. i just hope for a miracle, that's all. at least i don't feel hopeless yet. i thought i did enough.. i guess i thought wrong...

please stay with me.. you came in, you made me smile, you made me laugh and you touched my heart.. so please stay.. stay because you make me happy.. stay because i love you.. stay if you trust and love me too...

silence : noise

what comes with silence? silence helps you think. helps people relax. it helps people go back to their rhythm after an all days work or stress. what comes with silence? it makes people cry out alone, in the dark, cold and weak.. it forces people to go back to reality and feel every inch of suffering or pain. somehow.. silence gives people a taste of both worlds...

what comes with noise? noise helps you forget. helps in diverting attention. it helps people be merry for while. what comes with noise? noise eats you up inside. noise make people think they can rejoice for a moment and they suddenly silence comes barging in...

i don't know what is better. i don't have a choice at all. silence and noise never part each other. add 'em up and you'll get emptiness.

losing someone's trust is unbearable especially if you've done nothing wrong

my stomach feels weird.. all of a sudden i feel this pain.. this emptiness.. i want to scream and cry and clear myself out but my voice wouldn't be heard.. i know he wont listen to anything i say.. i've never had any say.. never.. my chest feels like it's about to blow up.. i wanna cry.. i didn't do anything.. i swear.. i can't fucking breathe properly.. my heart feels like it's racing with a horse.. how could i do something like that.. i would never do something to lose your trust.. i can never betray you.. i am so freakin' hurt.. to think that you said those words to me.. i feel so much of a trash..

i never said anything to anyone.. and i'm not making things up.. i never thought i'd feel these feelings again that are the same as an accused person who is innocent. can anyone please talk to me.. i need someone right now...

damn it.. i'll probably lose my life.

tagboard

well i just posted to say that my old tagboard is up and i didn't delete my old messages there. it's from my old site which was just made as a school requirement. and so.. i'm gonna use it here from now on. feel free to leave me messages. :]

anticipation + stress = anxiety

lol. it's not that i'm in a bad mood. i just wanna get those pictures from the vacation asap. hehe. i don't have a camera phone so bear with me. its still cool though. phones nowadays change every so often.. i don't need to go chasing technology. i have SETH. Chee and i have SETH. :) i miss you Chee. i love you. :x

new bg and banner yay!

well.. i told you i was gonna make one myself. and here it is! heh.. took me quite a while since i was only doodling over GIMP. and this is the product. lol. i kinda let everything go on and voila! (did i spell that one right? anyway this is the internet! who cares! XD)

i will be posting on some pictures about the trip i had just seven days ago with my mom, my eldest sister and her daughter. and i know you're all wondering how could we afford one, ey? well.. if you must know..... it was an "all expense paid trip", okay? and i meant that one literally. every letter of it. lol. it does feel pretty cool.

"i love you shee..."

To: Chee (my "H")
By: Shee (your "W")

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



"I Will Never"
~~~~~~~~~~~

i will never get tired of you..
your face.. your smile..
your entirety..

i will never forsake you..
your touch.. your kiss..
your warm embrace..

i will never regret you..
your heart.. your love..
your soul in me..

and i will never stop..
my heart.. my love..
my soul in you...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*note
this is an original i made on the spot and is a product of what i feel for him. please do not copy or post it as your own in any way (graphics or anything thinkable). at least put a credit on me or something. please do respect.. i'm saying this because what i just wrote will forever be intended only for him. i thank anyone who reads this part.. and to those who understand.

in their eyes, they see me wrong

recently, there had been an incident in which i am the only one that is to blame. i admit it. i wanted it to happen. but i honestly planned to leave the place but for some reason i ended up staying longer than i anticipated.

i wanna say sorry to my "H".. for putting him on the line. you had nothing to do with any of it. i chose to be there and i know you thought of my welfare. no matter how many times i get in this kind of situation i know, you'll always be by my side. thank you...

you are the only person i trust my life to. nobody can tear us apart.. not even the people whom i love too. having you by my side for so long, in return i shall stay happy and remind myself how much strength you have given me. please remain forever with me. watashiwa hontoni aishiteruyo.

feeling sad-ish :[

my best friend since only God knows when is about to leave the country next week tuesday. of course i feel sad! she like makes me laugh every time we're together. i know it'll be just a couple of months but argh.. i will miss you girl.. you crazy being! come back whole and don't you loose any ligaments! :<

grr...

i can't believe they moved our schedule defense to march 1! and they're requiring us to submit the documentation 3 days earlier! WTF... i haven't even perfected our DFDs yet! :c please oh please let me pass SAD2... *sob*

about the layout

well since i have absolutely no time to customize my own at the moment (and no, i am not making excuses because i am well-educated in making web pages. that's a fact.), i will have to use this for a while. i am thinking of a cutesy positive and pleasant layout for this (because of course i was inspired by my "H"). i'd like it to have a connection too with us both; same with my blog title. i think he would be the only one who could figure out what it means. and even if he couldn't i don't mind explaining it to him because i know, he'll find it really cool (and sweet heehee). :3

*blog dictionary
1. H - means sheenichee's short and sweet term for husband (referring only to "Chee").

*note
yes.. i'll always have my "H's" name capitalized. because he's special. :p

the "ich" post

since this is my very first post on this blog i have just created, i will clearly state that i would not be using capital letters (and if ever i do so, that only means i am in a very different mood or i simply have plenty of time). not because i have a "sloth" issue, i just personally think that ideas flow on more smoothly without the disturbance of pressing the "shift" button; that would result to better writing. so this concludes it. i will try to update as much as i can but.. that ain't a promise! :p

*note
and oh.. i am fond of using smileys so get used to it. :3
and another oh.. "ich" means first or number one in japanese ^^